September 24, 1845.
I have nothing to say about Pisa, . . . but a great deal (if I could say it) about you, who do what is wrong by your own confession and are ill because of it and make people uneasy — now is it right altogether? is it right to do wrong? . . . for it comes to that: — and is it kind to do so much wrong? . . . for it comes almost to that besides. Ah — you should not indeed! I seem to see quite plainly that you will be ill in a serious way, if you do not take care and take exercise; and so you must consent to be teazed a little into taking both. And if you will not take them here . . . or not so effectually as in other places; why not go with your Italian friends? Have you thought of it at all? I have been thinking since yesterday that it might be best for you to go at once, now that the probability has turned quite against me. If I were going, I should ask you not to do so immediately . . . but you see how unlikely it is! — although I mean still to speak my whole thoughts — I will do that . . . even though for the mere purpose of self-satisfaction. George came last night — but there is an adverse star this morning, and neither of us has the opportunity necessary. Only both he and I will speak — that is certain. And Arabel had the kindness to say yesterday that if I liked to go, she would go with me at whatever hazard — which is very kind — but you know I could not — it would not be right of me. And perhaps after all we may gain the point lawfully; and if not . . . at the worst . . . the winter may be warm (it is better to fall into the hands of God, as the Jew said) and I may lose less strength than usual, . . . having more than usual to lose . . . and altogether it may not be so bad an alternative. As to being the cause of any anger against my sister, you would not advise me into such a position, I am sure — it would be untenable for one moment.
But you . . . in that case, . . . would it not be good for your head if you went at once? I praise myself for saying so to you — yet if it really is good for you, I don’t deserve the praising at all. And how was it on Saturday — that question I did not ask yesterday — with Ben Jonson and the amateurs? I thought of you at the time — I mean, on that Saturday evening, nevertheless.
You shall hear when there is any more to say. May God bless you, dearest friend! I am ever yours,
E.B.B.