Day: February 27, 2018

February 27, 1846.

To be sure my ‘first person’ was nonsensical, and, in that respect made speak properly, I hope, only he was cut short in the middle of his performance by the exigencies of the post. So, never mind what such persons say, my sweetest, because they know nothing at all  – – quod erat demonstrandum. But you, love, you speak roses, and hawthorn-blossoms when you tell me of the cloak put on, and the descent, and the entry, and staying and delaying. I will have had a hand in all that; I know what I wished all the morning, and now this much came true! But you should have seen the regimentals, if I could have so contrived it, for I confess to a Chinese love for bright red  – – the very names ‘vermilion’ ‘scarlet’ warm me, yet in this cold climate nobody wears red to comfort one’s eye save soldiers and fox hunters, and old women fresh from a Parish Christmas Distribution of cloaks. To dress in floating loose crimson silk, I almost understand being a Cardinal! Do you know anything of Nat Lee’s Tragedies? In one of them a man angry with a Cardinal cries  – –

Is not that good? and presently, when the same worthy is poisoned (that is the Cardinal)  – – they bid him  – – ‘now, Cardinal, lie down and roar!’

Think of thy scarlet sins!

Of the justice of all which, you will judge with no Mrs. Jameson for guide when we see the Sistina together, I trust! By the way, yesterday I went to Dulwich to see some pictures, by old Teniers, Murillo, Gainsborough, Raphael!  – – then twenty names about, and last but one, as if just thought of, ‘Correggio.’ The whole collection, including ‘a divine picture by Murillo,’ and Titian’s Daughter (hitherto supposed to be in the Louvre)  – – the whole I would, I think, have cheerfully given a pound or two for the privilege of not possessing  – – so execrable as sign-paintings even! ‘Are there worse poets in their way than painters?’ Yet the melancholy business is here  – – that the bad poet goes out of his way, writes his verses in the language he learned in order to do a hundred other things with it, all of which he can go on and do afterwards  – – but the painter has spent the best of his life in learning even how to produce such monstrosities as these, and to what other good do his acquisitions go? This short minute of life our one chance, an eternity on either side! and a man does not walk whistling and ruddy by the side of hawthorn hedges in spring, but shuts himself up and conies out after a dozen years with ‘Titian’s Daughter’ and, there, gone is his life, let somebody else try!

I have tried  – – my trial is made too!

To-morrow you shall tell me, dearest, that Mrs. Jameson wondered to see you so well  – – did she not wonder? Ah, to-morrow! There is a lesson from all this writing and mistaking and correcting and being corrected; and what, but that a word goes safely only from lip to lip, dearest? See how the cup slipped from the lip and snapped the chrystals, you say! But the writing is but for a time  – – ‘a time and times and half a time!’  – – would I knew when the prophetic weeks end! Still, one day, as I say, no more writing, (and great scandalization of the third person, peeping through the fringes of Flush’s ears!) meanwhile, I wonder whether if I meet Mrs. Jameson I may practise diplomacy and say carelessly ‘I should be glad to know what Miss B. is like  – – ‘ No, that I must not do, something tells me, ‘for reasons, for reasons’  – –

I do not know  – – you may perhaps have to wait a little longer for my ‘divine Murillo’ of a Tragedy. My sister is copying it as I give the pages, but  – – in fact my wise head does ache a little  – – it is inconceivable! As if it took a great storm to topple over some stone, and once the stone pushed from its right place, any bird’s foot, which would hardly bend the hawthorn spray, may set it trembling! The aching begins with reading the presentation-list at the Drawing-room quite naturally, and with no shame at all! But it is gentle, well-behaved aching now, so I do care, as you bid me, Ba, my Ba, whom I call Ba to my heart but could not, I really believe, call so before another, even your sister, if  – – if  – –

But Ba, I call you boldly here, and I dare kiss your dear, dear eyes, till to-morrow  – – Bless you, my own.

 

Thursday Evening.

February 27, 1846.

If all third persons were as foolish as this third person of yours, ever dearest, first and second persons might follow their own devices without losing much in the way of good counsel. But you are unlucky in your third person as far as the wits go, he talks a great deal of nonsense, and Flush, who is sensible, will have nothing to do with him, he says, any more than you will with Sir Moses: — he is quite a third person singular for the nonsense he talks!

So, instead of him, you shall hear what I have been doing to-day. The sun, which drew out you and the hawthorns, persuaded me that it was warm enough to go down-stairs — and I put on my cloak as if I were going into the snow, and went into the drawing-room and took Henrietta by surprise as she sate at the piano singing. Well, I meant to stay half an hour and come back again, for I am upon ‘Tinkler’s ground’ in the drawing-room and liable to whole droves of morning visitors — and Henrietta kept me, kept me, because she wanted me, besought me, to stay and see the great sight of Capt. Surtees Cook — plus his regimentals — fresh from the royal presence at St. James’s, and I never saw him in my life, though he is a sort of cousin. So, though I hated it as you may think,  . . . not liking to be unkind to my sister, I stayed and stayed one ten minutes after another, till it seemed plain that he wasn’t coming at all (as I told her) and that Victoria had kept him to dinner, enchanted with the regimentals. And half laughing and half quarrelling, still she kept me by force, until a knock came most significantly  . . . and ‘There is Surtees’ said she  . . . ‘now you must and shall stay! So foolish,’ (I had my hand on the door-handle to go out) ‘he, your own cousin too! who always calls you Ba, except before Papa.’ Which might have encouraged me perhaps, but I can’t be sure of it, as the very next moment apprized us both that no less a person than Mrs. Jameson was standing out in the passage. The whole 36th. regiment could scarcely have been more astounding to me. As to staying to see her in that room, with the prospect of the military descent in combination, I couldn’t have done it for the world! so I made Henrietta, who had drawn me into the scrape, take her up-stairs, and followed myself in a minute or two — and the corollary of this interesting history is, that being able to talk at all after all that ‘fuss,’ and after walking ‘up-stairs and down-stairs’ like the ancestor of your spider, proves my gigantic strength — now doesn’t it?

For the rest, ‘here be proofs’ that the first person can be as foolish as any third person in the world. What do you think?

And Mrs. Jameson was kind beyond speaking of, and talked of taking me to Italy. What do you say? It is somewhere about the fifth or sixth proposition of the sort which has come to me. I shall be embarrassed, it seems to me, by the multitude of escorts to Italy. But the kindness, one cannot laugh at so much kindness.

I wanted to hear her speak of you, and was afraid. I could not name you. Yet I did want to hear the last ‘Bell’ praised.

She goes to Ireland for two months soon, but prints a book first, a collection of essays. I have not seen Mr. Kenyon, with whom she dined yesterday. The Macreadys were to be there, and he told me a week ago that he very nearly committed himself in a ‘social mistake’ by inviting you to meet them.

Ah my hawthorn spray! Do you know, I caught myself pitying it for being gathered, with that green promise of leaves on it! There is room too on it for the feet of a bird! Still I shall keep it longer than it would have stayed in the hedge, that is certain!

The first you ever gave me was a yellow rose sent in a letter, and shall I tell you what that means — the yellow rose? ‘Infidelity,’ says the dictionary of flowers. You see what an omen,  . . . to begin with!

Also you see that I am not tired with the great avatar to-day — the ‘fell swoop’ rather — mine, into the drawing-room, and Mrs. Jameson’s on me.

And I shall hear to-morrow again, really? I ‘let‘ you. And you are best, kindest, dearest, every day. Did I ever tell you that you made me do what you choose? I fancied that I only thought so. May God bless you. I am your own.

Shall I have the ‘Soul’s Tragedy’ on Saturday? — any of it? But do not work — I beseech you to take care.