Day: September 10, 2018

[Postmark: September 10, 1846]

4 p.m. Thursday.

I broke open your sealed letter and added the postscript just now. The post being thus saved, I can say a few words more leisurely.

I will go to-morrow, I think, and not to-day for the licence – there are fixed hours I fancy at the office – and I might be too late. I will also make the arrangement with my friend for Saturday, if we should want him, – as we shall, in all probability – it would look suspiciously to be unaccompanied. We can arrange to-morrow.

Your words, first and last, have been that you ‘ would not fail me ‘ – you will not.

And the marriage over, you can take advantage of circumstances and go early or late in the week, as may be practicable. There will be facilities in the general packing &c., – your own measures may be taken unobserved. Write short notes to the proper persons, – promising longer ones, if necessary.

See the tone I take, the way I write to you . , but it is all through you, in the little brief authority you give me, – and in the perfect belief of your truth and firmness – indeed, I do not consider this an extraordinary occasion for proving those qualities – this conduct of your father’s is quite characteristic.

Otherwise, too, the departure with its bustle is not unfavourable. If you hesitated, it would be before a little hurried shopping and letter-writing ! I expected it, and therefore spoke as you heard yesterday. Now your part must begin. It may as well begin and end, both, now as at any other time. I will bring you every information possible to-morrow.

It seems as if I should insult you if I spoke a word to confirm you, to beseech you, to relieve you from your promise, if you claim it.

God bless you, prays your own R.

[Postmark: September 10, 1846]

Thursday Morning.

What do you expect this letter will be about, my own dearest ? Those which I write on the mornings after our days seem naturally to answer any strong point brought out in the previous discourse, and not then completely disposed of . . so they generally run in the vile fashion of a disputatious ‘ last word ‘ ; ‘ one word yet ‘ – do not they ? Ah, but you should remember that never does it feel so intolerable, – the barest fancy of a possibility of losing you – as when I have just seen you and heard you and, alas – left you for a time ; on these occasions, it seems so horrible – that if the least recollection of a fear of yours, or a doubt . . . anything which might be nursed, or let grow quietly into a serious obstacle to what we desire – if that rises up threateningly, – do you wonder that I begin by attacking it? There are always a hundred deepest reasons for gratitude and love which I could write about, but which my after life shall prove I never have forgotten . . still, that very after-life depends perhaps on the letter of the morning reasoning with you, teazing, contradicting. Dearest Ba, I do not tell you that I am justified in plaguing you thus, at any time . . only to get your pardon, if I can, on the grounds – the true grounds.

And this pardon, if you grant it, shall be for the past offences, not for any fresh one I mean to commit now. I will not add one word to those spoken yesterday about the extreme perilousness of delay. You give me yourself. Hitherto, from the very first till this moment, the giving hand has been advancing steadily – it is not for me to grasp it lest it stop within an inch or two of my forehead with its crown.

I am going to Town this morning, and will leave off now.

What a glorious dream ; through nearly two years – without a single interval of blankness, – much less, bitter waking !

I may say that, I suppose, safely through whatever befalls !

Also I will ever say, God bless you, my dearest dearest, – my perfect angel you have been ! While I am only your R.

My mother is deeply gratified at your present.

12 o’clock On returning I find your note,

‘ I will do as you wish – understand ‘ – then I understand you are in earnest. If you do goon Monday, our marriage will be impossible for another year – the misery ! You see what we have gained by waiting. We must be married directly and go to Italy. I will go for a licence to-day and we can be married on Saturday. I will call to-morrow at 3 and arrange everything with you. We can leave from Dover &c., after that, – but otherwise, impossible ! Inclose the ring, or a substitute – I have not a minute to spare for the post.

Ever your own R.

[Postmark: September 10, 1846]

Wednesday Night.

Dearest, you are a prophet, I suppose – there can be no denying it. This night, an edict has gone out, and George is to-morrow to be on his way to take a house for a month either at Dover, Reigate, Tunbridge, . . Papa did ‘not mind which,’ he said, and ‘ you may settle it among you ! ! ‘ but he ‘ must have this house empty for a month in order to its cleaning ‘ – we are to go therefore and not delay.

Now ! – what can be done ? It is possible that the absence may be longer than for a month, indeed it is probable – for there is much to do in painting and repairing, here in Wimpole Street, more than a month’s work they say. Decide, after thinking. I am embarrassed to the utmost degree, as to the best path to take. If we are taken away on Monday . . what then ?

Of course I decline to give any opinion and express any preference, – as to places, I mean. It is not for my sake that we go : – if I had been considered at all, indeed, we should have been taken away earlier, . . and not certainly now, when the cold season is at hand. And so much the better it is for me, that I have not, obviously, been thought of.

Therefore decide ! It seems quite too soon and too sudden for us to set out on our Italian adventure now – and perhaps even we could not compass –

Well – but you must think for both of us. It is past twelve and I have just a moment to seal this and entrust it to Henrietta for the morning’s post.

More than ever beloved, I am

Your own BA.

I will do as you wish – understand.