[Postmark: September 5, 1846]
Saturday Morning.
Dearest, I write just a few lines that you may know me for thinking of you to-morrow. Flush has not come and I am going on a voyage of discovery myself, – Henry being far too lukewarm. He says I may be robbed and murdered before the time for coming back, in which case remember that it is not my fault that I do not go with you to Pisa.
Just now came a kind little note from dear Mr. Kenyon, who will not come, he says, Flush being away, and has set out on his travels, meaning not to come back for a week. So I might have seen you after all, to-day ! My comfort is, that it is good for you, beloved, to be quiet, and that coming through the sun might have made your head suffer. How my thoughts are with you – how all day they never fall from you ! I shall have my letter to-night through your dear goodness, which is a lamp hung up for me to look towards. Aladdin’s, did you say ? Yes, Aladdin’s.
As to being afraid of you ever – once, do you know, I was quite afraid . . in a peculiar sense – as when it thunders, I am afraid . . or a little different from that even – or, oh yes, very different from that. Now it is changed . . the feeling is – and I am not afraid even so – except sometimes of losing your affection by some fault of my own – I am not afraid that it would be a fault of yours, remember. I trust you for goodness to the uttermost – and I know perfectly that if you did not love me (supposing it) you are one who would be ashamed for a woman to fear you, as some women fear some men. For me, I could not, you know – I knew you too well and love you too perfectly, and everybody can tell what perfect love casts out.
So you need not have done with me for that reason ! Understand it.
And if I shall not be slain by the ‘ society,’ you shall be written to again to-night. Ah – say in the letter I am to have, that you are better ! And you are to come on Monday – dear, dearest ! mind that !
Your Ba.
Come back safe, but without Flush – I am to have him to-night though.