[Postmark: May 22, 1846]
Friday.
I have a great mind to retract , , I do retract altogether
whatever I said the other day in explanation of Miss Heaton’s
story. I make no doubt, now, it was a pure dream to which
my over-scrupulousness of conscience gave a local habitation
and name both, through the favourable dimness and illusion
of ‘ a good many years ago ‘ — because this last charge about
‘ Miss Campbell’ — briefly — I never in my life saw, to my
knowledge, a woman of that name — nor can there be any
woman of any other name from my acquaintance with whom
the merest misunderstanding in the world could possibly
arise to a third person . . I mean, that it must be a simple
falsehood and not gossip or distortion of fact, as I supposed
in the other case. I told you of the one instance where
such distortion might take place,— (Miss Haworth, to avoid
mistake). This charge after the other . . I will tell you of
what it reminds me – in my early boyhood I had a habit of
calling people ‘ fools,’ with as little reverence as could be,
. . and it used to be solemnly represented to me after such
offences that ‘ whoso calleth his brother ” fool,” is in danger
&c. for he hath committed murder in his heart already ‘ &c. in
short,— there was no help for it, — I stood there a convicted
murderer . . to which I was forced penitently to agree . .
Here is Miss Heaton’s charge and my confession. Now, let
a policeman come here presently to ask what I know about
the ‘ Deptford Murder ‘ or the ‘ Marshalsea Massacre ‘ — and
you will have my ‘ intimate friend’s ‘ charge. By the way,
did your brother overhear this, or was it spoken to someone
in his company, or is my friend his acquaintance also ?
Because in either of the latter cases I can interfere easily.
(There is a Mr, Browning — Henry I think — living in, or
near the Regent’s Park.) At all events, please say that I
know no such person, nor ever knew, — that the whole is a
pure falsehood — (and I only use so mild a word because I
write to you, and because on reading the letter again I see
the speakers were women).
It is a fact that I have made myself almost ridiculous by
a kind of male prudery with respect to ‘ young ladies ‘ . .
that I have seemed to imply — ‘ If I gave you the least
encouragement something would be sure to follow.’ In fact
never seeing any attractiveness in the class, I was very little
inclined to get involved in troubles and troubles for nothing
at all. And as for marrying . . that is a point on which I
have certainly not chosen to dilate before you, nor shall I
now dilate on it.
Well, I shall see you to-morrow, that remedies everything.
And that is your way of letting me see the Review, —
you send it ! Not that it has arrived yet. Dear Ba, hown
ever good you are !
All about the lady enthusiasts makes me laugh — don’t
think I fail of the proper respect to them, however — it is
only once in a week that one sees a real painted Emperor
settle on a flower, and then perhaps for a few minutes —
while at all times, if you look, you will find a good half
dozen of earnest yet sleepy drones living there, working
away at the sweet, — after all, these get the most out of the
flower.
Did you really go out yesterday ? I was not sure, for
the wind was Easterly — but it appears to have done you no
harm, — you may ‘go into the street’ to-day — I am most
happy, — most happy — and always entirely happy in you,—
in thinking of you, and hoping, — my life is in you now —
Bless you, dearest — I am your own.
2 o’clock, the parcel arrives . . thank you, best of Ba’s !
I will read and tell you — (only what on earth do you mean
by sending back those sketches ?)