[Postmark: June 23, 1846]
Tuesday Morning
I was just on the point of answering your dear letter, in
all the good spirits it might be expected to wake in me,
when the sad news of poor Haydon’s death stopped all ;
much I feel it, for the light words of my own about his
extravagance, as I had been told of it, but very much more
on your account, who were so lately in communication with
him. I earnestly hope, – I will trust – you have not been
rudely apprised of this – I am happy to remember that you
do not see the newspaper in the morning, – others will see it
first ; perhaps there may be no notice in the Chronicle at all,
or on the other hand, a more circumstantial one than this
in the Times which barely says – ‘that B.R.H. died suddenly
at his residence – yesterday morning. He was in his usual
health on the previous evening, and it is believed that his
decease was hastened by pecuniary embarrassment’ – and
he is called ‘ the unfortunate gentleman ‘ – which with the
rest implies the very worst, I fear. If by any chance this
should be the first intimation you receive of it . . do not
think me stupid nor brutal, – for I thought again and again
as to the right course to take . . whether it would not be
best to be silent altogether and wait and see . . but in that
case I should have surprised you more by my cold letter, –
such an one as I could bring myself to write, – for how were
it possible to speak of pictures and indifferent matters when
you perhaps have been shocked, made ill by this news ? If
I have done wrong, forgive me, my own best, dearest Ba –
I would give the world to know how you are. The storm,
too, and lightning may have made you even more than
ordinarily unfit to be startled and grieved. God knows and
must help you ! I am but your devoted –
How glad I am you told me you had never seen him.
And perhaps he may be after all a mere acquaintance . .
anything I will fancy that is likely to relieve you of pain !
Dearest dearest !