[Postmark: May 15, 1846]
The treader on your footsteps was Miss Bayley, who
left a card and ‘ would come another day.’ She must have
seen you . . . One of these days, ‘ scirocco ‘ will be ‘ loose ‘
— we may as well be prepared for it. To keep it off as long
as possible is all that can be. But when it comes it will not
uproot my palm-trees, I think, though it should throw flat
the olives.
Papa brought me some flowers yesterday when he came
home . . and they went a little to my heart as I took them. I
put them into glasses near yours, and they look faded this
morning nevertheless, while your roses, for all your cruelty
to them, are luxuriant in beauty as if they had just finished
steeping themselves in garden-dew. I look gravely from
one set of flowers to the other — I cannot draw a glad omen
— I wish he had not given me these. Dearest, there seems
little kindness in teazing you with such thoughts . . but
they come and I write them : and let them come ever so
sadly, I do not for a moment doubt . . hesitate. One may
falter, where one does not fail. And for the rest, . . it is my
fault, and not my sorrow rather, that we act so ? It is by
choice that we act so ? If he had let me I should have
loved him out of a heart altogether open to him. It is
not my fault that he would not let me. Now it is too late
— I am not his nor my own, any more.
This morning I have had American letters of the kindest
. . from Massachusetts — and a review on my poems, quite
extravagant indeed, in the Methodist Quarterly, One of
these letters is so like another, that I need only tell you
of them . . written too by people . . Lydias and Richards . .
never heard of before by either of us. The review repeats
the fabulous story in the ‘ Spirit of the Age,’ about unknown
tongues and a seven years’ eclipse in total darkness — but I
say to myself . . . after all, the real myth is scarcely less
wonderful. If I have not all this knowledge … I have
you . . . which is greater, better ! ‘ Not less wonderful ‘ did
I say ? when it is the miracle
Oh, these people ! — I am seized and bound. More to-night !
from
Your own
Ba.
Say how you are.