[Postmark: May 28, 1846]
Thursday Morning.
Dearest it is my fancy to write quickly this morning and
take my letter to the post myself. Oh, I shall do it this time
— there will be no obstacle. The office is just below Hodgson’s,
the bookseller’s. And so with this letter, please to
understand that I go to you twice and wholly, once in the
spirit, and again in the body.
But there is nothing to tell you, except that I think of
you with the thought which never can change essentially,
while it deepens always. What I meant to say yesterday
was simply, that I, knowing that, should be ‘ bad ‘ if I could
fail practically to myself and you. I have known from the
beginning the whole painful side of what is before me, also
. . I should have no excuse therefore for any weakness in
any fear. Should I not be ‘ bad ‘ then, and more unworthy
of you than even according to my own account, if the obstacle
came from me ? It never can. Remember to be sure of it.
A change of feeling indeed would be a different thing,
and we think exactly alike on the fit consequences of it.
Which change is however absolutely impossible in my
position and to me, ‘ for reasons . . for reasons ‘ . . . . you
guess at some of them, some are spoken, and others cannot
be.
In one word for all, life seems to come to me only through
you.
I am your very own.
Ba.